All That Was Left Behind…Is No Longer

It’s impossible to fathom that five years have gone by and yet here we are. We have survived for five years without Brett. The life and children he left behind no longer exist in the sense that they did. His thirteen-year-old son, in his last year of middle school, is now in his second semester

The A Word

In the past 4 years, I’ve sought counsel from a pastor, a psychic, my primary care physician, a tarot card reader, I’ve seen a psychologist, I’ve attempted multiple times to read a book written by a rabbi (recommended so many times I broke down and bought the thing). I went to India and met a

“I’ll Stop Wearing Black When They Invent a Darker Color”~Wednesday Addams

I wish there was a “Miss Manners” book on grieving or at a minimum a grieving “For Dummies”; a checklist, a ‘step by step’, a ‘how to’ or even guidelines, but there aren’t any. There is no plan, no map, nothing to help you chart the course and get through this ‘journey’ you unwillingly embarked

I Cannot Do It All…But Still Try…

I am not sure where 3 years have gone, 37 months have passed and I still grieve. I still have bad days; really bad shitty, knock you on your ass kind of days and good, even great days. The good days outnumber the bad, but winter days seem to be the toughest. The holidays, our

Not the Dark House

November 29th, 2013, it was the day after Thanksgiving, I had volunteered to work that day and Brett had the day off. It had been a pretty slow and uneventful day so at 2:00 when the clinic closed I decided to go home. As I pulled into the driveway, I saw Brett and the kids

Tennis Team Banquet

A few Sunday evenings ago I went to the awards banquet for the boys tennis team. This was Jay’s second banquet of the year, the first was to commemorate the end of the Nordic Ski season, so one would think that I would be completely ready for this one. Well, at least that is what I

Vasculitis stole my love, my dreams, my hopes…my life.

Had it been there all along undetected? A misdiagnosis from the beginning which allowed all this to happen? As you read What Happened to Brett?, please know that I am not writing this from anyone’s perspective but my own. It is not a medical perspective but rather from the perspective of his wife, who simply happened to

“Just Always Be Waiting for Me” ~J.M. Barrie (Peter Pan)

Today marks the fourteenth month without Brett. It was a typical day, typical for the new normal, you could even say a good day, it’s earth day. The sun came out today. It had been a few days since the sun was out so although it was windy and unseasonably cold, I was glad to

“Memory is the scribe of the soul.” Aristotle

On March 28, 2014 we boarded a plane and headed to Miami, Florida. We were on a Sun Country airplane in our little blue seats, the three of us in a row. It was so early, it was still dark and cold out. I sat in the aisle seat and all I could think of was

I Find Myself in a State of Constant Wonder

Some days I feel like Alice in Wonderland,  “Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to wonder what was going to happen next…She drank from a bottle called DRINK ME and she grew so tall, (life